Saving Your Marriage or Relationship – (How to Avoid Breakup or Divorce!)
Saving Your Marriage or Relationship can be tough, especially when you still love that person. Almost all relationships start out with the honeymoon period where the couple is madly in love. In the beginning, you feel butterflies in your stomach and you can’t wait to see your partner if you spent any time away from each other. But we have seen it time and time again – the love (or lust) begins to fizzle. What causes that? Well, I’ll tell you. Fortunately, there is a way to help save your relationship or marriage by understanding some key points.
Society happens. But it’s a little more than that. As we know, there are many times where our lives our touched by struggle. And with challenge potentially comes a drop in our confidence. For example, let’s say a man loses his job. Now, his life is crumbling around him. He says things to his wife like, “Well, I don’t have a job anymore, so we need to take it easy on the spending.” Or maybe he says other things like, “Look, we need to take it easy on the online shopping.” Or, “That’s too expensive!”
Although what he says is true and it is probably a good idea to listen to him, there is something else going on in the woman’s brain. It doesn’t have to be about losing a job or losing money, it can be about losing anything or being undecided about something. When this happens, a woman begins to believe her man is undecided and falling apart. When she first met her man, she stayed with him because he was an awesome guy, probably showed high levels of confidence and chivalry. He at least appeared to have his life under control or was proud of who he was. As a relationship or marriage begins and common life struggles begin to mount, many times, the wife sees her partner fall apart.
This is NOT good.
Now sure, society gets us busy, and that’s life. You may work a regular job and have kids to attend to, so it is sometimes difficult to find time to get excited and dressed up for your significant other. The first six months are usually what I like to call the ‘secrets stage’. This is the stage where we reveal our secrets to our partner, our misfortunes, and our insecurities. If you make it past this stage, then you’re in good shape.
If you are struggling to get past this stage, then your partner may simply not like some of those ‘secrets’ that they now know about you. If this is the case, then it’s best to get out now. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but if they don’t like you for you, then there is a very small chance of the relationship working out in the long run.
But this isn’t when most relationships or marriages end.
In fact, it comes after, as it is usually around the two-year mark where you begin to question if it’s a ‘for life’ situation or has the legs to go the distance. At the beginning, there was a high level of confidence in the relationship, insecurities and secrets were revealed, and you and your partner happily accepted one another. But then, the guard is let down and confidence begins to degrade…
Saving Your Marriage or Relationship – The Contribution Stage
The foundation of your relationship plays a vital role. At this two-year mark, you must ask, are both of you contributing evenly to the relationship? Are you helping each other out? If you and your significant other have a solid foundation, then at the end of the day, you are more likely to succeed. You are not constantly pulling on one another for attention because there is a foundation holding you in place. The more solid the foundation of the relationship, the better chance for success.
Do you all help each other? Do you listen to each other?
We know that everyone has different opinions and everyone was raised differently. The key to help and save your marriage or relationship is to try approaching these little nuisances as a couple and have respect for your partner’s viewpoints. Understand that your partner is NOT a possession, but a person, just like you. They have things they are better at than you and things they are worse at. You must appreciate BOTH.
“This is why many younger relationships or marriages fail – because of ego. Ego leads to bad judgment, which leads to bad timing, and timing is everything.”
Saving Your Marriage or Relationship – APPROACH AND CONFIDENCE
We know that some women may have confidence issues. It’s NOT a woman’s job to always be confident. It’s simply not in their DNA. In fact, the man should be ready to lift his woman’s confidence when necessary. That is just the way it is. A woman goes through more struggles as the bearer of children. A woman seeks a man’s approval and that is as natural as grass.
But what happens when the man needs confidence?
Believe it or not, most relationships or marriages fail because of the male. Most males hate hearing this, but in order to help save your marriage or relationship, you have to look at the person who was designated to take control when things get tough and when the foundation starts to crack. This should be the male. There are a lot of books on this topic, but one of the great books that explains it to the core is, “The Way of The Superior Man”. This book explains that you must have confidence in yourself as a male, or else your lack of confidence can do serious damage in your relationships. The book teaches that one of the most important foundations that you can have is loving yourself before you can love someone else.
And one of the keys to loving yourself is confidence. Confidence to stay focused and not be stressed in intense situations. Society gives us a LOT of stressful situations – traffic, children, losing a job all the way to losing a family member. But as a man, you need to be a decision-maker and make the most difficult decisions with confidence. Most women feel it quickly when a man lacks self-confidence and that is bad news for the marriage.
Here are some tips to help men understand what women want from their partner, a key piece to Saving Your Marriage or Relationship:
- If men constantly complain about their life, it makes them look weak and irritates their spouse, because the man does not appear to be in control of their destiny. Who wants to ride or die with an undecided and fearful man? A woman wants a man who is in control or can take control. A man cannot bow to society’s problems or complain about not getting a fair shake in everyday life, or else they will look weak in the eyes of their partner.
- If men are not confident, over time, their partners lose their confidence in them. She is then forced to take matters in her own hands, which makes the man feel worse, because he feels that he is not ‘needed’. This hits double, because not only is life getting the male down, but now he feels weaker in the relationship due to how his partner observes him. Often times, he will lash out angrily.
- Women want a man who is ready to tackle issues, doesn’t get flustered, and doesn’t fall apart. We are all in high-stress situations, but how we handle those situations are very important.People are watching and it is important to know that you will come out of it.
- As stated above – take care of yourself. That may sound selfish, but it’s not. If you don’t feel attractive as a person or if you have other self-confidence issues, then you are going to consistently ask your partner for assurances. Not only is that annoying, but it makes you appear less confident. For a male, this is the opposite of what a woman wants or is looking for in a partner. So, if you are not confident in yourself right now, you need to get there. You need to understand that this is a very important part of a relationship. Even if you can’t get there, your girlfriend is with you for a reason, so don’t ask consistent questions that make your confidence appear low.
- Most importantly, understand that this isn’t a ‘bash-fest’ on men. If you are a male reading this, stand your ground and don’t let a woman change you. The woman got with you for a reason! Therefore, you CANNOT let yourself go and bow down to the issues that society will bring you. Be strong. Be tough. Don’t let life get you down. You have a responsibility to be powerful. You will undeniably push and pull for leverage in the relationship, but you cannot separate from your true values. If you change who you are, it lowers your confidence and makes you appear weak.
A woman wants a man who will make the easiest of decisions (like the restaurant you will eat at tomorrow) all the way to hard decisions (like moving to another state) and it is important to understand that. If she disagrees with you, talk to her about it. By listening to her, you aren’t appearing weak – but if it’s a small decision, you need to be ready to make it … like a man.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON Saving Your Marriage or Relationship…
When you start a relationship, it is important to understand you and your partner’s values. Many people say that having God as the foundation of their marriage is what works to saving a marriage or relationship. Based on many marriages, even in my own family, I believe this is true.
It is also important to understand that religious (or Christian if we are talking most americans) men are usually more confident, because they believe that God will take care of them in crisis. Furthermore, the woman in the relationship has that same confidence that if the man doesn’t take care of things, God will. Their overall confidence is the backbone to their marriage. They know that they can rely on God in times of crisis and don’t have to rely on each other. That’s big. They aren’t looking to each other for consistent self-approval, because they already have it through God. To have active spirituality is one of the most important parts in a marriage, but we understand that not everyone is spiritual and everyone simply doesn’t believe in God.
Lastly, if you really want help save your marriage or relationship, you need to be sure that you are ready to commit to saving it. How do you do that? You read this blog. That is a big first step!
It certainly takes a level of dedication, commitment, and sacrifice. Do you really love the person you are with? And more importantly, what if they were more confident and what if they show you how much they appreciate you? Would that change it? If so, hope is not lost.
Here is a package I turned to myself when things started to look rough and it helped a TON. Everyone is buzzing about it because it gives attention to those initial layers that are important – a foundation, so to speak, and is a big jumpstart to learning about your own situation and start it off right. You’ll see the testimonials… Even though I wasn’t married, it helped me get my girlfriend back and we have never been better. If you click on it, just type in your email to watch the video. Let it be the first stepping stone toward confidence in your relationship! But if you don’t care about the package, at least get the book – you won’t regret it, especially if you’re a man. (below)